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In order to build your new life you must have a starting point. There has to be some basis of comparison between what you are currently thinking and doing and what you will be thinking and doing in the future.  To get an accurate assessment of your current dissatisfied state, you need to figure out how your life got to where it is now. This is called finding a baseline. This baseline or current standard at which you are living needs to be defined and understood. 

Without a solid understanding of where you went wrong in your past, you are most likely doomed to repeat these futile patterns. 

People are not born negative, fear-ridden, and selfish. These are learned behaviors, and learned behaviors can be changed.  

If you skim through this and do not put forth your best effort, you might want to think about why you would knowingly short change yourself. Ultimately, when all the people in your life become sick and tired of your antics, the only one left will be you. Are you willing to take the easy road now only to feel intense loneliness later on down the road because of an unwillingness to work hard at changing your life?

 …many people say they are afraid to admit that they are afraid. They live their lives and careers always waiting for something bad to happen, yet they feel they must hide this insecurity. They report a general feeling of internal doom. They wonder if anyone else can see the panic within them. They are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak.  This generalized fear becomes, in many cases, all-encompassing, causing panic attacks, sleepless nights, lost productivity at work, and eventually, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Their careers go down the tubes, marriages suffer, their health becomes in jeopardy, and some turn to alcohol and drugs for a moment of relief, a respite from their unrelenting insecurities and fears. This, of course, only makes the situation worse.

The truth is that our lives are guided by the events of the past, but only to the exact extent that we decide to make it so. This is not to say that letting go of a painful past is easy. This text does not trivialize the pain one person can experience and endure. However, it is important for the reader not to trivialize the immense power of choice and forgiveness either.  

Where one individual may have a seriously difficult childhood and/or adolescence and overcome this negative life for one much better, another individual with equal hardships will decide to use it as a basis to see the world not as a place of opportunity, but rather a place to be feared. Two separate people, equal playing field and rules, opposite outcomes. Why? Choice! It is our choices that form who we are, and what we get out of life. 

Events from the past do not have to influence your future. You can learn to get over these negative forces, and learn to be happy and thoughtful of others’ needs. You are not doomed to obsess about your problems because you will learn to adapt to change, regardless of whether or not life throws you a curve. Learn from your past; do not be defeated by it!


Preview Chapter 8 - Mining for the Truth
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