I came to the Saint Jude Retreat House in November of ’99. I was 30 years old and trying to support a very expensive crack habit. My drug use cost me trust from family and friends. It brought me to a level of self pity and created such a self-defeatist mentality that I lived everyday thinking it was me against the world.

Growing up in Buffalo, New York I had every opportunity to make a good life for myself. I had parents and two sisters who loved me unconditionally. I never went without anything. As I grew up I became a very fearful person who based most of my decisions on what other people thought. I thought that life was a popularity contest and I always had to win. I had dreams and aspirations just like other people but my intense fears paralyzed me. They caused me to make excuses on why I wouldn’t be able to accomplish those dreams and goals. This became the pattern that I lived. After several years of feeling sorry for myself I began to kill the pain with drugs and alcohol. It slowly began to take away everything that meant something to me.

I first sought help at the age of 23. I spent years in and out of outpatient treatment programs with no success. I began to lose hope. I started to believe that I was going to be the guy who never gets it! At the age of 30, desperate and very unhappy, my passion for life gone, another alternative was brought to my attention. The Jude Thaddeus Program at the Saint Jude Retreat House was that alternative and for the first time in thirteen years I seemed to be headed in a positive direction. At the Retreat House I was surrounded by people who had once been in the same shoes as me. These people were willing to take time out of there day to make sure I was doing alright. The staff at the Retreat House treated me with kindness and respect. To them I was a human being and a guest in their home. They didn’t treat me like a patient, or a drug addict, and that made a big difference to me.

During the past five years I have made countless friends from all over the world. Coming to the St. Jude Retreat House was the best decision I have ever made. Today I am so grateful for the opportunities that have been brought my way. I have a job I love. I have a great relationship with my family and have more friends than anyone can ask for. All it took was the willingness to change and the commitment and perseverance to do it. I wasn’t too enthused about “growing up” all over again at the age of thirty, but believe me when I tell you that if I can do it, so can you.

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