Yikes… we didn’t want to have to be the people to tell you this, but according to AA, you’re an alcoholic.

Now, what does this mean? Well, if AA is to be believed, it means you have to go to their meetings and admit, before a bunch of strangers, that you have a drinking problem over which you are entirely powerless. Sure, there are things you can do to try to avoid alcohol altogether, but at the end of the day avoidance is the only legitimate option. You cannot take a sip, you cannot be around it, you can hardly even talk about it (except in the presence of strangers at meetings) because, not only are you incurably ill, but your disease is getting stronger every day you recover. It’s “doing pushups in the parking lot” outside your meetings and other complete nonsense very reasonable conclusions that apply to any habit ever.

If you’re not inclined to believe you’re sick with an incurable illness simply because you, maybe, felt some remorse after drinking too much or have ever drank alone, there’s another possible answer. Fair warning: if you try using this logic in an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting, you will be told you’re in denial over your problem and that you’ll never start on the road to recovery if you don’t admit you have a problem, but let’s give this a shot. (Sorry to use the word “shot” in front of you… hope we didn’t just cause a relapse). The answer is this:

YOU’RE FINE.

You’re perfectly fine. And if you weren’t, if you needed help changing your bad habits, who would we be to label you an alcoholic? Who is anyone to label you anything?

So go… have a drink… do anything that brings you a little happiness, a little satisfaction. Do the things that make your life better, and don’t let anyone, especially not a bunch of people who think they can label you incurably ill through an online test, tell you differently.